I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
