I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
