Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
