Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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