My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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