The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
