I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
