seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
