party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
