First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
