We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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