I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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