Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
50% drunk capacity currently
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
