The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
