i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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