my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
