You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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