If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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