she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
