So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
