we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
