i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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