She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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