I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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