k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
