Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
