how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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