Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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