how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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