ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
