I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
