Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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