I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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