plz talk dirty to me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
