i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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