did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
