went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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