Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
