Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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