how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
