Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
