I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
