hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
