just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
