my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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