Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
