How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
