bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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