Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
