PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
is wine microwaveable?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
