Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
