so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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