you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
