i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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