So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
