Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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