i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
