I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
