I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
