So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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