He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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