the condom got lost in my hair
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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