the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
