you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
