He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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