Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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