hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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