shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
