My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
